I suppose that it’s always a story that people want; some kind of explanation as to why I’m here in this place.  I can’t honestly say that there’s any particular reason, maybe it’s everyone’s fault—my parents, my teachers, just everyone—but that would be psychoanalyzing the whole thing.  Maybe it’s really just my fault.  I’m not gonna get into that shit though, I’m just gonna give you the basics, the facts you really gotta know.
I’m pretty sure that everything started getting weird during my last year of school.  It all just slowed down, kinda like I was racing through everything, like no one could see me anymore ‘cuz I was moving so fast.  But I was just going too slow, catatonic.  I started watching those little kids they brought in from nearby preschools for those education majors to play with.  They were so perfect.  I wanted to put them all in a little box, those perfect little girls, and lock them away so they’d never lose it.  But they always lose it; no matter how deep in the dark you hide them away the light always finds them and burns them whole.
I kinda got lost in my head and stopped doing my schoolwork.  I just sat there alone in my dorm trying to peer at the playground all hours of the day and night.  I just couldn’t keep my eyes off of them.  Whenever I was able to sleep I had horrid dreams.
One night I got a call on my cell phone from my roommate Adrianne around five.  “Hey, you going to the concert in the Student Union tonight?” She asked me, her voice rushed.  “Come on Jen.  I’m in a big hurry, I gotta go get Bernard and get something to eat.  You coming or not?”  I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to date Bernard, the only guy I’d ever been attracted to.
“Yeah, I’ll get dressed now.”
“Great, see you at seven then.”
I got myself prepped for a night out with Adrianne and the love of my life, Bernard.  I wanted to dress to impress him, make him stop starring at that damned whore of a roommate of mine.  I know he doesn’t really want her, he wants someone clean, pure, me.  He does, he still does, doesn’t he?  I put on a cute, slimming, pale pink spring dress with a small floral print that brought out my eyes.  I put on these black strapped heels that my mother had bought for me last Christmas.  I couldn’t walk right in heels, but that was alright, I could just take them off when I got there and started dancing.
I considered getting some Chinese to eat, but the thought of Bernard with that slut, that skank sickened me.  I couldn’t bear the thought of them alone, her showing too much cleavage, flirting, trying to get in bed with him.  I just wanted to kill her.
I’m not gonna mention the concert.  I’m just gonna say that whores always maliciously steal the ones you love.
I dropped out during my junior year and went to live in the city.  I’d always loved the fast-paced world, the interesting people, and the parks you could sit in and just watch things.  I didn’t have much money, so I slept like a bum on benches at night.  During the day I sat around playgrounds, in the museums, hoping for the moment when I could correct all wrongs—when I could save someone from life.
My grandmother once said to me that no little girl goes untouched, that being touched is a rite of passage.  I guess I grew up far too soon, but I wouldn’t let that happen to anyone else.  Just because others could sit back and pretend that it wasn’t wrong didn’t mean that I could do the same.  I had nightmares about it all of the time.  Sometimes it was me as a child, other nights it was my imaginary sister or some other little girl like her.  Either way, it was sick.
I went home to see my family, but my parents had gone out partying again.  How irresponsible.  I found my little brother home with some girl, he was feeling her up.  She was crying, she kept saying no.  I had to do something, but he was my brother, how could I?  I eventually made up my mind to do the right thing before it went too far.  It didn’t matter if he was blood; he had become a monster too.  I went to the closet and got Daddy’s gun.  I shot them both.
You might be wondering why I shot her as well.  It’s not that hard to explain why.  I shot her simply because I knew she wouldn’t want to go on knowing that he’d done that.  I knew she’d end up doing it to herself anyway.
They brought me here after my parents found me bleeding to death in the tub.  I don’t really think I belong here, but it’s not that bad.  You get fed and you get to do things other than sitting on your ass drooling all day.